Sometimes I wonder, am I mature enough to make great decisiom and changes to my life?? Am I being overly protected by the people around me that I become vulnerable when I slowly have to leave their constant hold of hand and walk alone..
Even after so many years of studies in the field of architecture,it would be natural that I would end up doing my apprenticeship towards getting my charteredship in architecture..First,not only that I am not even close to getting an aprenticeship as I am currently working as a CAD technician analysing lighting issues..Secondly, I honestly ain't sure if a job as an architect fits me well..somehow I see architecture very differently from most of my archi mates..I am in fact pretty ashamed to admit that I don't go all in for "awww..this is such a beautiful piece of architecture..look at the intricate column & bla bla bla..". Most of the time I look at the people around it, what will they be thinking? Do they understand that art or is it just a building! Do they enjoy living in it? Not only do I not fully apreciate the building, neither would I understand the point of it..Third, being an asian makes it worse. Not that I despise my skin colour..just stating the obvious fact that its harder for asian to snag a good job in the UK than most of the 'white'. This might sound really cruel and racist..but it is the fact nobody really wanna talk about (sorry Sam,if you somehow read this..i don't hate English btw..I love you!!). .
So I wonder, will I enjoy being one?? Will I ever suceed in my career? What do I really want to be?? I'm not sure what step should I really be taking while every single day seems to wilt away slowly..i do wonder sometimes what I would be if I hadn't step into this field of studies..will I be a different person then? Hmmm..I really do wonder!!
I hope something good would turn up soon..God I pray to you..
Even after so many years of studies in the field of architecture,it would be natural that I would end up doing my apprenticeship towards getting my charteredship in architecture..First,not only that I am not even close to getting an aprenticeship as I am currently working as a CAD technician analysing lighting issues..Secondly, I honestly ain't sure if a job as an architect fits me well..somehow I see architecture very differently from most of my archi mates..I am in fact pretty ashamed to admit that I don't go all in for "awww..this is such a beautiful piece of architecture..look at the intricate column & bla bla bla..". Most of the time I look at the people around it, what will they be thinking? Do they understand that art or is it just a building! Do they enjoy living in it? Not only do I not fully apreciate the building, neither would I understand the point of it..Third, being an asian makes it worse. Not that I despise my skin colour..just stating the obvious fact that its harder for asian to snag a good job in the UK than most of the 'white'. This might sound really cruel and racist..but it is the fact nobody really wanna talk about (sorry Sam,if you somehow read this..i don't hate English btw..I love you!!). .
So I wonder, will I enjoy being one?? Will I ever suceed in my career? What do I really want to be?? I'm not sure what step should I really be taking while every single day seems to wilt away slowly..i do wonder sometimes what I would be if I hadn't step into this field of studies..will I be a different person then? Hmmm..I really do wonder!!
I hope something good would turn up soon..God I pray to you..
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